Send in the clowns. Oh. Pardon me. They're already there. Hey, who's that guy in the orange?
I could be wrong, but Ontario could be in some serious trouble here.
First we had current premier-by-default, Tory leader Ernie "Sunny Days, Sweeping the Clouds Away (andhopingtheWalkertonandAylmerscandalswillbesweptawaywiththem)" Eves, showing us why we really did need the revamping of Ontario's education system to include more mandatory math credits, when he first "didn't know" how much the things he was campaigning about would cost, then "didn't know" how much government spending his party would cut. (How's this Ernie: do you "know" that you should actually figure out such ticky little INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT details of your campaign before campaigning with it?)
Now we've got (Tory) ex-premier Mike Harris slipping and saying that he's voting for Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty in this Thursday's provincial election, then coming back a few minutes later to say, no, of course he's voting for Tory leader Ernie Eves. (The even more worrisome part of this is his phrasing -- Mikey boy, technically you can't directly vote for either of them unless you live in one of their respective ridings, which you don't, and I would hope to God that after two terms as Premier you at least know that, but I'm sure not holding my breath).
Then we have Dalton McGuinty making a comment that this is "2005, not 1995." Dude, I know you were in a political coma for awhile there, but we do have these things called calendars. Like, freakin' everywhere. Your computer, your Palm Pilot, your digital camera, your cell phone-- what? They didn't have those the last time you were actually alive on the political scene? Oh. My apologies. Perhaps you should have been reading the newspapers during this political campaign then, so you'd at least know what day it is, and don't give me none of that lip about being "ahead of your time." I'm a writer, I can see your cliché and raise you one, any day.
And Howie? (NDP leader Howard Hampton.) Poor, poor Howie. While seemingly better educated, especially when it comes to numbers and the present date, you suffer from the same cruel circumstance that met former Liberal leader Lyn McLeod in the election where by some act of Satan commissioned by Hell Toronto, Mike Harris was elected in the first place. What's that? Well, like her, you're from Northwestern Ontario. Only, she was from a riding in a city with 120,000 people (my hometown of Thunder Bay) that while many in Southern and Eastern Ontario may get confused with being in either Manitoba or Nunavut, if they're not first pretending it's North Bay (because they refuse to make that mental geographic hike around the Great Lakes, it's just too goshdarn far for them -- hell, Nepean to Kanata is too far for them, we can't be expecting miracles here), they have at least heard of it. Or they pretend they have. Just don't ask them to find it on a map, or know a political party leader's name if she or he is from there. Sorry, man. They think you're running in another province's election. (Perhaps the education system should have been revamped to include, oh, geography beyond the IKEA store in Toronto for high schools in Southern Ontario, dontcha think there, Mikey boy?)
Rounding off this political spectrum, I'd like to end with my personal favourite CBC quote, whilst describing the Green Party's representation across Ontario: "...the party was one candidate short of a full slate..." And that's not all...
Big trouble, my friends. Big, big trouble indeed.
(This said, all you Ontarians who are eligible to vote, GO VOTE on Thursday.)
Mmm. :) My apartment smells really yummy right now, because about 3 hours ago I made a batch of spaghetti sauce, and now I've just pulled apple-carrot muffins out of the oven. Made them from scratch, not a mix (grating apples is messy!) and if they turn out to be good, I'll bring some to work for people tomorrow!
So, I get home and I have mail from Michigan State University's DCL College of Law, inviting me to attend their event that's supposed to sell me on doing a law degree. In, you know, East Lansing. ...The hell?
I don't live in Michigan. I don't even live in the United States, for that matter! Never mind the fact that my undergrad was journalism and English.
Did my grad school application end up at the wrong university and department or something? LOL.
Bachelor Bob: Episode One (The Train Wreck Has Only Just Begun)
All right. Because I cannot be employed by TWoP, and do episode recaps with the underlying (or not-so-underlying) snark myself, I'll have to settle for episode commentaries here! (Although I should point out, djb does The! Best! Recaps! Ever! on TWoP, so I'll happily settle for my weblog.)
Season Five (if you count "The Bachelorette" as one of these seasons): Bachelor Bob.
Looks like it would be more accurately titled one of the following:
1. "The Bachelor: Life in the E.R."
2. "The Bachelor: Run, Bob, Run!"
3. "The Bachelor: A Lesson in What Happens When You Close Psych Wards" (Politicians, take note.)
I'd had this sadly misguided idea that because these women were all a bit older than the ones on "The Bachelor: Because So Much Is Riding On Your Tires (Oh, sorry, you make wine now...)," that maybe, somehow, that would translate into more sane, less catty, less psycho. Well, I'm starting to think that some of the 21-year-olds from seasons past got a bad rap.
Good thing I'm not a bettin' woman. This is like watching a loony bin in prime time. Although Bob should be commended for losing the twins who so eerily resembled Alanis Morissette in round 1.
According to People magazine, there were 15,000 bachelorette applicants, four times the usual number. And yet somehow... Wow. It just boggles the mind.
First thing noticed: what is up with the facial contortions? Was an elasticized face à la Jim Carrey in "The Mask" a pre-requisite of being selected for the show this time 'round? It was like watching the villain in a campy horror flick, 25 times over. (Well, maybe not all 25, there are still maybe two or three I'm giving the benefit of the doubt.)
Second thing noticed: maniacal laughter. (Kelly Jo, this means you.) Seriously? At least try to pretend you're not insane. Don't give it away on the first night. DO NOT LAUGH LIKE DR. EVIL FOR FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT. You're blowing your cover!
Aren't they supposed to rehabilitate these people to blend in with the sound of mind before being released back into society?
To the blond chick who didn't make the first cut: Please, please, PLEASE tell me that was a soap opera audition you were doing, there. Because, getting your "heart broken" after one evening shared with 25 other women and Bob's mom, and seeing him on television once a week, for 6 weeks or however many episodes he was around for? Uh, no. More likely that the pain you were engulfed in was indigestion from the hors d'oeuvres (or so we would hope). Would hate to see what would happen after an actual date or something.
To Lanah: Hand over the collagen and back away slowly.
To Brooke: You are not a Disney animation (even if you are pretty damn close). If you keep buggin' out your eyes like that, they may just fall right out of your head.
To Kristi: While orange is one of my favourite colours, I don't think it was intended as a skin tone. No. Really. Unless you're a Popple, or something. But maybe you are. Hmmm.
To the woman who keeps randomly launching into Spanish: Holy cow, is that ever annoying.
Starting to wonder about just what exactly was in that wine or champagne they were drinking? Because it seemed to have affected Bob as well, right about mid-rose ceremony. It was like watching a room full of people on glue. Or hallucinogens. Maybe both.
Reason #12859318 why I'm conditioned to no more than 5 hours of sleep each night
The other night, at 1 a.m., I was lying in bed trying to GO TO SLEEP for once, when suddenly this conversation for a scene in D that I'd been working on earlier started forming in my head, involving television reruns, an Internet drinking game, and a Barenaked Ladies song. What to do when that happens? (Answer: Told myself that sleep is for wimps, grabbed some paper and a pen and started writing like mad before it was lost and gone forever.)
At my most recent yoga class, we worked on the creativity chakra. I wonder if "creative" is quite the word for moments like that? ;) Whatever you want to call it, I ♥ the muse. (If that symbol doesn't turn out for ye of old computers and/or web browsers, it's a heart. Now go join 2003, and merci muchly!)
Tomorrow: the return of "The! Most! Shocking! Rose! Ceremony! Ever!" With Fun Bob! Yay Fun Bob!
Heh heh. They posted the "The Bachelor" ladies' profiles on TWoP, and as I was reading, I started wondering... what would my own look like? (Well, like nothing, because Canadians can't apply to the show, and since Andrew Firestone is already spoken for, what's the point? LOL. ;))
Here we go -- Jenn's (tongue-in-cheek) Profile:
Home State Province: Ontario Occupation: Web designer for the federal government by day; writer by night; freelance promotional writer when I feel like it; acting professional blame consultant (A/PBC*) on occasion. Age: 23 (and this isn't in rock years) Height: 5'2" Hair color: Blonde Eye color: Dark green
Hobbies:
Writing, yoga, going for hella long walks, talking way too fast, obsessing over music, reading, making fun of politicians and their children, being overtly sarcastic.
List three adjectives that best decribe you:
Ambitious, independent, caring
Why would you want to try to find your husband on a TV show?
Well, you've already tested him for the STIs and hopefully weeded out the psychos, so there's two plusses...
Why haven't you found the man of your dreams?
Because I dream the impossible dream: to find someone who is not a high-school dropout (preferably with a university education so we have the common ground there), who I'm attracted to, who is single, and who is also not more than 5 years older than me. You try it.
(What do I meet instead? Sometimes high-school dropouts, sometimes people who are attracted to me but I'm not attracted to them, and 38-year-olds who want to take me to dinner. And then there's the ones who are already in relationships... let's not go there!)
Why are you ready to get married now?
Married? I'm just here for the pool parties and the free visits to the spa...
What are you most proud of?
Two things: 1. Finishing my combined honours degree and making the Dean's List while putting myself through school without loans (read: days that went from 6 a.m.-1 a.m., weekends included) 2. Not being willing to settle for relationships I don't feel are right, just for the sake of being in a relationship. * you will only get this acronym joke if you work for the federal government... it would be the official acronym of that job title if it existed, unless they could come up with a more catchy one ;)
If you want to see a pretty funny profile of one of the ladies from the new season of "The Bachelor," check out Estella's -- my faves have to be the Why haven't you found the man of your dreams?, Why are you ready to get married now? and What are you most proud of? answers.
My street is having its yearly clambake tonight. It's the 26th annual one. Seriously. They've been having this for longer than I've been alive. That's kind of nuts. I didn't go last year, but this year when they came to my door about it, they knew exactly how long I'd been living here. I thought, okay, maybe I'd better go, or no one will help me get my car out of a snowbank on the street again this winter!
You're supposed to bring a salad or a dessert, so I thought, hey, why don't I make Nanaimo bars? And that, my friends, is how all seemingly good ideas begin. First thing you should know, should you ever embark upon this quest: finding a box of Nanaimo bar mix in a grocery store is less likely than striking gold while digging in your backyard. If it's not Christmas time, that is. (Which I find bizarre, because Hallmark already has its Christmas stuff out, why not the grocery stores?) What does that mean? You'll be making them from scratch.
It is possible -- I have a success story sitting in my fridge as I type. It's just a whole, unfathomable amount of work (and mess, LOL). Are they ever sweet, ah, I had a tiny piece once they were done to make sure they were edible, and I can't have any more! Sooooo sickeningly sweet. That means that kids on the street should love them, and their parents will hate me for the ensuing new level of sugar buzz.
Eye strain like crazy this week. Must go figure out how to get rid of the eye soreness/headache.
So, the remnants of Isabel are supposed to make their way here today. It will be nothing like what Lara watched from D.C. yesterday, but it should still be a fun weather day to watch.
When I woke up around 6:30 a.m., it was already a gray day. Right now it's a little windy outside with some light rain.
"Is there a line that I could write / that's sad enough to make you cry?"
In the time since I've started writing lengthy fiction again, I've discovered one immensely frustrating thing about it. Now that my mind is tuned into the Generating Ideas, Characters and Plot Channel again, it's generating a heck of a lot more than just the book I'm working on (I'll start using its codename, D, when I write here about it). These ideas will come in bursts, and usually when I'm least expecting them. I'll hurriedly make notes somewhere -- paper, a Notepad file, my hand-held tape recorder left over from j-skool -- and suddenly have these huge plot outlines. Then I'm all enthused about them, and start to think, well if I wrote this, would it make a better first novel than D in terms of the potential audience range?
At which point I concede that I'm so far into D, and so involved in it, that I really don't want to start over again from the beginning until D is done.
Which is promptly followed by the reality check that really, I'm just praying to catch the interest of a literary agent, and in turn, a publisher. (And then sell gazillions of books and start writing from my beach house in Malibu, LOL. "California here we come, right back where we started from, California..." And then I attempt a reality check upon my reality check.)
Most of all, the enjoyment of writing creatively again and the fact that the ideas are flowing once more, is amazing. Much love and gratitude to the muses that be. :)
I had toyed around with the idea of posting excerpts of D here on my website, but then thought, maybe not. There's a bunch of reasons that swayed me that way. So, I'll just continue to babble away about the project that only a handful of you know anything about! ;)
That subject line? The mantra of my childhood. Long story. Don't mind the leagues people play in here or playing it, just the games on T.V. Well, that was something ingrained in me early...
See. Here's the deal: after well over four years without a show I watched regularly -- and by show I'm talking a series that could last a couple to a few years, not the sporadic reality T.V. and even then, I was only ever hooked on The Bachelor, so that's been four six-week bursts over two years -- last week I discovered that hey, The O.C. is a pretty good show. Maybe I'll start watching. Start building my attention span again. ;) So, got home from yoga to find that CTV had it on tonight instead of tomorrow, which was cool.
Guess what though? No more episodes til October 30th (and yes it's moving nights :P). Why? Cos of frigging baseball. Anything else, I would not care, but it's the principle of the thing, here.
Anyway, moral of the story? The O.C.: good show. Now if I'll remember or have the time to watch it when it comes back on and moves to Thursday nights is a totally different story.
Oh yeah, side note from earlier today -- I don't think that Spinner (sorry, "Netscape Radio") should be allowed to play "Stairway to Heaven." Or that anyone should, for that matter. There should be this universal Wayne's World rule, remember that? The sign, "No Stairway to Heaven"? I just about burst out laughing when it came on the ChannelOne.com station. It's just so wrong, somehow.
Yes, I finally decided to install Moveable Type. Blogger was great, and there was nothing about their service that made me decide to switch over. After all, I used Blogger for three years! I just decided that it was time for a change, time for something a little more modifiable. I can add in lots of things here (when I get around to it) and have comments that will hopefully work most of the time, and that will also be e-mailed directly to me. Also, everything lives right on my own web server, and that is a big plus.
What it means for right now: Most of my weblog archives are temporarily down. I will re-archive, but everything from Sept. 2000-Aug. 2003 needs some formatting changes first, and that's a lot of entries. In time.
(Heh. This is what happens on a post-housewarming day. Merci beaucoup to the Shmuhs for a fun time!)
All right. You knew it would happen. Pull up your favourite comfy computer chair and ignore your aching, bleary, screen-burned eyes, it's that time again.
"What time?" you all chime in together. Yeah. Like you don't know. (But thanks for humouring me anyway.)
That's right, boys and girls. It's Gushing Album Review time, with your host... ME! Today's review: Hallucinations (limited edition version with the funky cool mini-disc for CD 2), the new David Usher CD that hit stores, and, well, The Bear (yay radio stations) today!
Love. Rapture. Pure, unadulterated, eardum bliss. ("But do you like it, Jenn?" "Yeah, it's okay.") Where do I even start? (Say goodbye to coherency, in three, two, one...) Love, love, love the piano riff that runs throughout "Message Home." Set against the drums, duuuuude. I would love to just sample and loop that, play just that instrumental all day. (Kudos going out to former Moist keyboardist Kevin Young for that fine piece of piano playing/I'm guessing composing... like with "Mike Hammer" from Moist's Mercedes Five and Dime, I'm totally captured by the piano here.) Piano aside, I love the entire song. :) Definitely an album fave.
Another album fave is track one, the title track, "Hallucinations." Great song, I've been hearing it in my head/singing it all day. It's a wicked driving song, too! I peg it for a single. Another one I think will be a single, possibly the second single once "Time of Our Lives" has its run, is "Numb." Very, very cool song. Catchy backbeat, one of those ones that you just nod your head/drum your hands on the steering wheel to. Yup. Definitely for radio and music video. Which rocks, cos I love it!
Yes, I could do this song-by-song, which I'm sure you're all aware of and greatly fear. So I won't, just a couple more. :) There are some amazing, lower-key and more stripped down, contemplative tracks on here. "Devil By My Side" just makes you stop and absorb it, just listen and feel. I love songs that do that.
The last thing I have to mention is the cover of "If You Tolerate This." Wow. This is an amazing cover of that song. I've listened to it over and over all day, it's really well-done. If you can find it (which might be kind of difficult because of the CD's copy protection), listen to it. Good stuff. :)
The live tunes that come with the limited edition... Rock. Yay for new tunes, that about sums it up!
New David Usher on Tuesday (Hallucinations), new Sarah McLachlan in November (Afterglow)... fall time is Such A Good Thing. :)
For entirely unrelated, but more personally benefiting reasons, it got especially good as of last week! I'd been waiting for Sept. 2 for months. Yay yay yay.
I start new yoga classes this week, I'm looking forward to those. While on the general subject, does anyone know where I could get a Nordic Trak for far less than $500? I'm thinking ahead for when the snow starts... I go on 7-8 km walks (sometimes they turn into 9-10 km walks), four times a week, and have been doing this for months. I love that little piece of time to myself. I don't want to give up the walking once it's cold and snowy outside, but I also know that most gyms don't let you dominate their treadmills or other cardio machines for an hour and a half at a time. Must check want ads.
Bleh. Snow. I can't believe I've just used that word several times over.
Oh! Coolest. Thing. Ever. seen at Radio Shack on Friday!!! Do you all remember Pole Position, that arcade game made by Atari? It's this booth you sit in, with a steering wheel and pedals, and it's a racing game? Man, I loved that game. I used to play it at the Best Western Bridgeview in Duluth whenever we'd go there. I briefly entertained daydreams of owning a refurbished one (they had one for sale on ebay once, maybe they still do!), but then what I saw in Radio Shack... Dude. It's a steering wheel that attaches to your desk, and pedals that go on the floor, and they go with a racing game for your computer. I was playing it in the store, so so so fun!
Lazy Sunday. Must get myself going and out the door now!
To: CTV From: Concerned Canadians everywhere Re: Hosts of Canadian Idol
Regarding any employees who may have actively participated in casting Ben Mulroney (son of the man who sold Canada down the river, then abandoned ship and ran like hell SOUTH, where he sold us TO) and Jon Dore (who we here in Ottawa thought hoped we'd never see on television again, after the Rogers Daytime stint and a particularly notable NewRO Speaker's Corner tangent) as hosts of Canadian Idol:
We, the people, ask that you please consider having their heads examined.
No, really. A lot of us would really like to know what they were thinking. And maybe let the scientific community in on it to benefit medical research, so that it Never. Happens. Again.
Sincerely,
The Outright Baffled
(an affiliate of the "Who Found Sass Jordan/Let's Do The Time Warp Again" Network.)
(SOUND UP: ominous music -- something like what Mark Snow (The X-Files) would compose. Hell, maybe he did compose it. It's my commercial, isn't it?)
It had been locked away for years now, in wait of this day. The tiny school children crowded around the time capsule, as their teacher broke off the lock. As she opened the lid, her students gasped in awe.
"It's alive!" breathed one little girl, increduously.
"Nah, probably runs on batteries," the boy behind her said. "They had toys that did that then."
Their teacher stared, amazed at the discovery her class had just made. They'd found her, solving the greatest missing persons case in Canadian music history.
Inside the time capsule, Sass Jordan: Canadian Singer of Mysterious Disappearance, opened her eyes. What she discovered, was that after being locked away since the 1990s, she had awoken in 2003...
The Sass Jordan Story -- coming to CTV this fall.
Brought to you by The Idol Program International: rescuing Canadian and American singers of the 1990s from the clutches of obscurity since 2002.
(I should probably mention here that the only sugar I've had all day was in a carrot muffin at 8:30 this morning... of course, that may be the root of all this, right there...)
