I'm not saying I want to be male, here. I'm sure that has its own set of complications unto itself. What I really mean is if we could just smack me into blissful unconsciousness for awhile, that'd be great.
In better feelings about femaleness, today is quite possibly my opening day of sandals season! 23 degrees Celsius (my laptop keyboard is giving me attitude and not letting me make the degree sign, just throwing me to a new page when I hit the 7, I'll figure this out later).
I have the song from The Wizard of Oz running through my head right now, mixed in with David Usher's "Time of Our Lives" which was on the radio when I woke up this morning. You should hear what this sounds like. Good lord.
I love that an older David Usher song just came on Iceberg Radio. Put a smile on my face, reminding me of a fun summer and good times during which that CD came out. Hmmm. I've got that CD with me, maybe I'll have a listen this morning.
I love everyone here at work today. Between my boss who has proven to be one of the most wonderful people I know, and a co-worker not involved with Project Codename Impending Doom who just came over to compliment me on a report I'd done, for this hour at least, things feel so infinitely better than yesterday. Fingers crossed it remains this way. :)
"Do I wear you out? You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out..."
Dear Unnamed Content Management System, and Project Codename Impending Doom... you, coupled with my own innate occasional spaziness and neurosis, together with the chain reaction set off in my mind, have made this quite the stressful day. And remember what I said about having the hormonal thing under control? Well... not that I'm blaming anything on that, let's just say that it doesn't help.
Safe in my home, wishing to start the day over. I think my clues should have been waking up at 4 a.m. and not falling back asleep; looking at my laptop and thinking, "gee, it would be nice to work from home on this today," and the fact that it was raining enough for me to need an umbrella this morning (I have a 10-minute walk from my car), yet somehow I'd managed to leave them all in my office yesterday... which meant a trip to Pharma Plus for an emergency extra.
Deeeeeeeeeeecompress. Gotcha.
Tonight, I have big plans for a nice, long bath, some candles, some television, and some turning my mind off, already. Wishing muchly that I had a massage appointment booked, but... just do what I can.
I am inclined to believe that insomnia is in my genetic make up...
4 a.m. That's when I woke up this morning! Got up at 6... kind of having a relaxed "get ready for work" time, which is nice. I also have music from my yoga class last night stuck in my head! I think one of the songs is on a CD I have, so perhaps I'll have to pop that in at work today.
I am positive that one day someone is going to pop their head in during a brief moment I am doing a quick silent meditation (but involves my fingers going through the moudras) and decide I'm off my rocker... these are still fairly new people I'm working with, they don't quite know me that well yet, or my methods of decompressing when the Unnamed and Totally Random Content Management System is making me a little nuts!
Okay, happy thoughts and good energy for everyone today -- got to stop playing around online for the morning. I would love to bring the laptop to work and work on it there, this screen is so much easier on the eyes!
Letter-writing campaign to my body, partie deux: An open letter to my hormones
Dear bodily hormonal levels:
You may be an integral part of many of God's creatures, but I'm onto you. I suspect you might just be the work of the devil himself, using my body as a vessel to first drive me to the brink of insanity, and then by association, everyone I know... and so on, and so forth, until the six degrees has this somehow reaching everyone in the world and we ALL GO MAD. Mad, I tell you.
If you've got to fluctuate, could you just leave my face out of it? Seriously. Do you take bribes?
And not that it's even evident enough for anyone but me to notice, I know, but... *sigh*
Hmm, maybe to clarify here. When I say "hormonal levels" I'm not talking me going off the deep end and blaming it on PMS or something (although I'd really like to try that some days); I've got a good handle on all of that, if I am going to be moody, I'll do it on my own time and in the privacy of my own home, thankyouverymuch. There's chocolate here.
What I'm talking about is when they shift just enough to make my skin not as happy glowy as normal. Not acne, just off -- not completely balanced. Makes. Me. Nuts. I went through this once already in the fall/early winter. So, I switched from the face wash I'd been using since I was 13 to Aveeno (my amazingesterly face cleansing lurve) and all was happy glowy again.
The last couple of days? Argh. Arghity argh argh argh. (Let's throw in a grrr and a growl, even.)
While I will freely take my part of the blame for this -- seeing how the various forms of sugar I have consumed lately that I do not usually may have been accomplices -- I beseech you to cease and desist, and level the frick off already. M'kay?
Sincerely,
Me, my facewash, and the rest of the world that has yet to realize the potential ripple effect this could have, based on one person being driven crazy alone...
So. Sleepy.
So much to clean.
So many brain cells gone "poof" from paint fumes and just the mere being at IKEA on a cloudy Sunday afternoon.
So many muscles getting a good workout for the second weekend in a row.
So much furniture in my hallway.
So many raindrops outside.
So many things to understand.
So little weekend time.
So? So.
I want me some strawberry tea...
Currently reading: Your Aura & Your Chakras: The Owner's Manual
Waiting for me to hurry up and finish other books on the go, already: Oryx and Crake
Wanting: For it to be a long weekend so I'd have tomorrow to relax.
Wishing: It was 23 degrees and sunny. Oh, and that I was psychic.
Saturday morning: wanting to laze around and ponder life's questions; needing to be as energetic as last weekend
I have so much to do today and this weekend, and I'm having problems even convincing myself to get out of bed. (Which, incidently, is where this is being posted from.) I need to start moving some furniture around, to start washing some walls and floors, to go to IKEA to get a big bookshelf, to get some organizers/extra shelves for the cupboards with my pots and with my glasses, and to somehow make it to Rideau Centre or a spa that sells Aveda products to get some phomollient as I've just run out.
Also, I need to make myself write. I was writing a bit last night, and the laptop definitely helps with that, because I can be in a room in my house which is a more "creative" area (believe me, there are some more than others) and I don't have to be sitting upright in a computer chair. It is wonderful.
Oooh, and it's spring! :) I need to open some windows, to fix the screens on the front windows, to wash the winter dirt away from others... to find new blinds and/or curtains for one of the rooms... So. Many. Things. Weekends need to be longer.
What do I want to do? Stay loafing around, drinking coffee and reading a book, and then put on a favourite CD and maybe clean a bit. Well, I'm sure the cleaning part will come after I move some furniture and put together the bookshelf I still need to go get...
I'm working on a document at work using an example for something with a hypothetical person named "Ms. Canada". And until this afternoon, I'd entirely forgotten.
I thought it would make a funny weblog post in case anyone else also remembered... I am so giggling right now.
I am so ready to drop right now. Today I've painted a room, cleaned up, re-assembled it, and done some laundry. I still have to clean up my kitchen and bathroom, put sheets on my bed once they're finished washing and drying, put clothes away, get things ready for the morning...
In good news, between my step stool and all the times I've been up and down two flights of stairs to the basement and back today, it must be the equivalent of three years on a Stairmaster. I anticipate hurting a lot tomorrow, but I have yoga tomorrow night so maybe I can stretch some muscles out there. :)
What I want: warm food and a hot bath, candles and a nice, steaming mug of strawberry tea. Pajamas, a book, meditation and peacefulness.
What I do not want: this meh, bleh rain and gray sky, and the meh, bleh mood it's trying to drag me into.
What I will have to settle for: warm food (although I seriously doubt that a toasted English muffin is anyone's idea of dinner but my own), a quick shower (maybe) before meeting with a client, and then probably doing more web stuff in my pajamas later this evening while sipping strawberry tea.
And, it's only rain, it's only the sky. I can't control the weather, I can only live with it... and smile... and remain optimistic that it will be sunny again tomorrow. :)
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears..." (this is stuck in my head right now)
So sad. There was a good laptop computer for an amazing price at Staples.ca and I called to order it... out of stock. Ah, people, don't do that to me! I keep hoping maybe someone will cancel their order and then I can get one... or that there will be another amazing offer through Staples or Future Shop sometime soon.
My desktop machine works more than great and I lurrrve it, but I'm thinking ahead for the fall. I'm going to want and need that portability, among other things. And so I continue my search...
My skin is way too pale right now. Way, waaaaay too pale. Spring and summer sunshine, I need you!
I can't get old Remy Zero songs out of my head, nor Evanescence's My Immortal.
This entire entry is really disjointed!
Almost time to head out and meet friends for coffee... heh, maybe I should avoid anything caffeinated, though. I'll be bouncing off the walls all night, otherwise.
Why can't they give you a steering wheel for the racing games?
Once upon a time, I got busy with school and friends, and a few years later went away to university. I cut myself off from the world of video games, having advanced as far as being a Super Mario Bros. 3 all-star, and that was about all.
Then one morning, I woke up to find that the world of video games had mutated beyond all recognition.
Holy complicated. I have a university degree but I have trouble with multiple controller buttons? Understanding concepts of games probably intended for a much younger age group?
There has been nothing quite so humbling as a weekend where I've played both an Xbox (for the second time -- the first was a couple of years ago for about 10 minutes) and a Game Cube for the first time.
I think I might take paranoid germophobe to a whole new level. I already do the frequent handwashing with antibacterial soap thing (at work, constantly, before and after I eat anything, and anytime I leave and come back to my apartment), but I just rented an Xbox and what's the first thing I did? Cleaned the controller and console with Clorox wipes. And then I had a shower... for an entirely different reason, don't worry, I'm not quite that nuts yet. :) I'd been outside raking dead lives and other debris off of my front lawn earlier, so I felt kind of need-a-shower-ish.
This is one of those days where people for some reason are just STARING. I don't know if they're even aware they're doing it, but it's freakin' me out! Enough with the staring! It happened while I was cleaning up the front yard, and then at Blockbuster when I was getting the Xbox. What, you haven't seen a girl rent a video game console before? People, my parents had me playing Atari at 2 1/2. I could kick your ass at Crackpots or E.T. any day.
As for the more advanced (i.e. post 1996) gaming systems... yeah, that has yet to be seen. Time to work on upgrading my skills.
Last thing for now... Dear Upper Left Wisdom Tooth: Please recede back below the gumline, we live far more harmoniously that way. At least until my dental plan takes effect. Capisce?
I love that it's a long weekend. There are so many things I want to get done. At the top of my list is cleaning up the front yard, it's kind of a mess post-winter! Maybe I'll plant flowers in the front garden this year. It's going to be my third spring and summer here, it truly does feel like my home, so I think I want to make the yard look nice!
Also, lots of spring cleaning stuff I want to do inside the apartment. It's funny, my apartment is definitely clean, yet there are little things I can still clean that would occupy my entire weekend if I really got going. Since it's getting nice out, I think it's time for things like window cleaning, washing the sheers, shaking out rugs, opening the windows and letting the nice spring air in! I might get new blinds for the bathroom and also I'm thinking carpet for overtop of the linoleum (I have a throw rug and bath mat in there but I think I'd like to cover the linoleum), there are always baseboards and walls to wash, a fridge and stove to clean, maybe the part of the walls above the tile surrounding my bathtub to improve, so many things!
I should also start clearing out more stuff in the computer room and closets.
Also this weekend, a dinner/fun night with friends tomorrow, possibly one on Sunday, writing and reading to do, stores to visit, Club Pogo games to play ;) and I may rent a Playstation 2 or an Xbox from Blockbuster just to try! I'm not entirely sure my video game skills extend past Nintendo (and prior to that, Atari), but we shall see!
Finally, I have conquered my ongoing cold air vent problem! It all began almost two years ago when my old group moved over to the building I worked at until last week. It was the nicest building to work in, ever, but I had a cold air vent right above me. I even had it moved, and requested it to be removed or shut off altogether... to no avail. I became Parka Girl. (Because of this big, thick sweater I would wear when I was cold!)
So, I moved here last week to a very nice office (with a window, people, you have no idea how happy this makes me :)) and there is a register blowing cool air just below the window. But this time, I've got it beat. Extra mouse pads, baby. They sit on top of the select vents that I don't want blowing air at me, without disturbing anyone else's air flow.
I suspect a couple of people might either think I'm looney tunes for being so happy about the blue sky (and the fact that I get to see it all day!) and that it's now warmer than it was on Monday. Yes, this makes me happier than anyone could ever know! I love spring. Loooo-oo-o-oo-ve spring. It is my happy place. :)
Okay, lunchtime is about over for me. Back to my job and my tunes!
Why, oh why, when I get that perfect creative and emotional frame of mind that would just let me write and write and write, is it 11:21 p.m. on a weeknight?
And why is it that Dido's "White Flag" can help cause this? (I discovered this a few months ago, maybe I should just listen to it on repeat.)
"Ah well, just one more detail on my long list of things to discuss with Satan when I meet him."
The entry title is a quote from a TWoPer, in case you were wondering. I've decided that it's my new favourite saying. :)
I am currently refraining from finding chocolate. I haven't had any for days, I'm trying to be good. Dear Easter: Please hurry up and get here already, I want all of that chocolate out of my stores. Do you hear me? Specifically, I want the Cadbury Creme Eggs gone. I've been very good the last little while and not bought/had any, but all that temptation. You can't just tease me with one of my favourite seasonal chocolates for months and months and months like this. I like weighing what I do. I would muchly like to keep it this way.
Strawberry tea. That's what I'll have. Then curl up with a blanket on my couch, light some candles and read a book. I have to get better at this whole relaxing and vegging thing. It's been a full year now since the crazy-ass schedule, and I still have a hard time just sitting and doing nothing.
Tomorrow: the return of girls' night and The Bachelor. Should be entertaining. Or horrifying. Actually, it's more entertaining if it is horrifying, so we (who are watching) shall see. :)
Things to do this weekend... oh, and maybe NOT forget to change my clocks!
Mmmm, weekend. What I love to do most on weekends now is see friends, just be at someone's house or apartment and hang out, talk, watch TV or movies, just totally low-key. For a long time now, I've so much preferred this to being out at a bar or something, and most of us seem to be feeling this way so it works nicely -- we don't have to have the "But I just said that I really don't feel like going to a bar/club/other similar destination tonight" arguments.
The best question last night, from Karen (it has to be repeated here, because I honestly don't know the answer): "Where do TVs go to die?" Anyone? In my life, for the most part, I've only ever seen old TVs in people's basements, functioning or not.
Things I should do this weekend:
Finish a website (weekends I can get myself to do this if I don't find other sources of procrastination)
Write. Dammit. Someone come kick my ass if I don't do this.
Talk to and see people.
Go by H&R Block to sign a form I'd forgotten I needed to sign after The Most Complicated E-Filing of an Income Tax Return (that I've already gotten) in History. They called me again.
Make up my mind on if I'm getting a new car before I have to renew my plates/get an emissions test.
Catch up on e-mails! (Sorry... I am such a slacker lately.)
Other usual weekend stuff such as cleaning, groceries, errands, all of that.
Do a big order of books from Amazon for both fun things and things I really should be reading to prepare for the fall.
Maybe start putting all my photos into albums cos I have boxes of them, and I've been saying that I'm going to do this for about the last two years.
Stop using the computer as a means of procrastination from doing other things I actually should be doing on the computer.
Yeah, let's see how much of this I actually get done. ;)
Question: Is it that my brain occasionally ceases all coherent function, or is it that so many thoughts overload it at once that it can focus on exactly nothing?
I'd write a relevant entry title, but I can't get the theme song from The Apprentice out of my head...
So today, it was back to the Pasture. It was different being back, but good -- everyone I met was super nice and welcoming, so no worries there! There were a few technical problems today, such as the fact that my phone does not ring (I can call out and I have voice mail though?) so someone will need to look at that, and somehow with the transfer of my LAN account and/or computer setup, I have no access to any Lotus Notes databases, including my e-mail and the Unnamed and Totally Random Content Management System. I hope they can fix that tomorrow! (That is also an FYI for anyone who e-mails me there -- I can't get to it, I also seem to have lost my Metaframe access.)
It's Mercury retrogade. I swear it. Messes with communications/technical stuff. Last time it was the Blue Line dispatch office. (Just blame the planets, I say, not the miscommunication of similar-sounding street names. ;))
It's definitely a week of changes. And some changes, I've discovered, can be very happy and good. :)
Bedtime soon (by this I mean start getting everything together for tomorrow and hopefully be asleep by 1 a.m.!), after spending a relaxing evening with good friends who fed me and let me try the wine that they made!
